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SO

Not only is my scanner out of commission, but one of my fingers is, too. The important one. Not that one! My pointer finger on my right hand. I can see inside it-It's really fatty for such a spindly thing. But I can still type rather quickly using my birdie as a temporary replacement.

But I do have goodies a-comin'. Fear ye not.
  • Mood: Emotional
Sorry I haven't been doing anything of late. A combination of lacking and hollowness has kept me in a rut--thanks, doc.

In other words, my [mental] health has been worse[r] from everything I absorb, it seems.

Trying to change your life to be somewhat normal or successful absolutely rots; denial and obstacles every damned way. I'm npot a pessimist--just a suicidal girl who had to deal with too much too young, and therefore I have stopped growing in certain areas.

Combine that with recent drama where I have just given up. There's really nothing I can do to change anyone's mind, and haven't these doctors and therapists and psychologists told me to avoid things like this?

Add a few bits of my physical illnesses that have been attacking me from within five years now and you will understand why I attempted suicide recently. Lack of sleep, nightmares when I do, ridiculous doctors, medication that does not work, me that does not work, the aches, the digestive woes, even the sodding allergies.

It's been extremely difficult. And even if I doodle something up, it takes so much time to scan it into a defunct computer and clean it up. Aaaarrrrgh.

Bear with me.
  • Mood: Agony
  • Listening to: 7 Days to the Wolves
ALL RIGHTY. I am re-typing this to the best of my extent. Why? Because I was almost finished with an incredibly long and detailed blog when the power went out for two minutes at my house due to the thunderstorm [the Gods were angry] outside.

SO

Three nights ago, I was able to go to Metalfest; which was a consolation because I didn't get to go to the Lacuna Coil concert. I arrived around seven when the heat was finally dying down. You could definently smell who had been there for the whole day. I was greeted with hugs and makeup; I was dressed in my Victorian finery to support my homeskillets in Arsenic Addiction, wearing my "The Raven" miniature top hat I made and a tattoo sleeve I drew earlier in the day with a sharpie. Speaking of said tattoo, even though sunscreen [SPF 80, fools!] had smeared it, I still got compliments on it and many a tattoo discount coupon.

James' sister: "That's my brother there!"
Ari: "Yeah, he's my brother-in-law and my sister does the vocals."
Me: "The bassist is my boyfriend!"

...said we to some guy who was asking.

I got to take a shower in some ice-cold [water]tea during the Arsenic performance-I can't tell you how good that felt, especially when the wind started blowing.

There were no aquatarian options on the barbeque, so I had water. Actual cold, cheap water. Fantastic. That never happens at the indoor concerts, alone. The barbeque smoke kept blowing our way and people were smoking, but I couldn't use the inhaler I'm test-driving right now since you can only use it in the morning and then twelve hours later, so I think I'll be getting the use-it-when-you-need-to inhaler.

Curse my innards.

Okay, back from the Porcelain God and wishing I had never been born. Screw IBS-D.

Anyhoo...

I bought a lovely necklace Haley made. A gothic/steampunkery piece of a raven and black gears. Girls just wanna have fun.

And in helping Mandy out I saw how much merch they had sold for that show-impressive. Support your local bands, people!

Cvltvs Mortem performed a little while after, and it was my first time seeing the Idaho black metallers. Wowee. They are awesome [and lovely chaps outside of the corpse paint and spiked braces]performers. On a personal note I adored the new song, "Cursable Saviour" because I've had a bone to pick with God ever since my two close friends killed themselves. Brian-you are an artist-we've had different forms of grief hit us, but you created something that I can relate to in my totally different situation of death.

We left soon after Cvltvs. Ari, Echo, and I went on a road trip to nowhere [in other words, on the way to Ogden] before arriving at the Arsenic Residence.

My dinner consisted of a Wendy's baked potato, Doctor Pepper, black metal oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, and tea.

A group was on the couches doing who knows what while the rest of us sat at the table cracking jokes [bud-dup-dup-chi!] about black metal, my Ginger-vitis, Damon's wereGinger problems, and stupid names we came up with--

My Native American Name: Runs From Wind
My Pirate Name: Ginger Snap
My Grecian Deity Name: Allerginea
My Gangsta Name: K-Dizzle or K-Fay

--and things Andrew has done in the past while intoxicated.

That night I fell asleep in a sleeping bag to the sounds of grown men talking about their g-strings...and e strings and tuning and all of that stuff.

Upon waking up, we went to a pancake house with gigantic, diabetes-inducing pastries and cakes. I ate a piece of an apple fritter the size of a cow pie and a Nutella crepe with strawberries and, perhaps my folly, whipped cream. Some whipped cream isn't made from dairy products, so I never know. Either way, soon after, my intestines were wringing themselves out to the bleeding point and I didn't eat for the next 26 hours.

So I left the Arsenic Residence quietly in the afternoon, leaving a note as to where and why I had left. Allergies, fatigue, and my villainous digestive system; and those were just the things acting up. I sometimes wish I was an octogenarian so I'd have a reason for all these health problems...and I could run over young hoodlums in my futuristic electric wheelchair.

I can't wait to hang out with Cvltvs again-they're hoots. Maybe in a few weeks I can head up with the Arsenic crew to Montana for a couple days for a couples shows [which I probably won't be old enough to go to by about eleven months, but hey-it's a road trip!]. Let us hope.

Well, off to vacuum, check my Petville [curse you Grow sisters! haha], and jam to My Dying Bride. Gotta love the doom metal that narrates my life.
  • Mood: Agony
  • Listening to: Ghost Love Score by Nightwish
2oo9's Main Events, both Good and Bad and In-Between:

-First time drawing nude models for art class.

-First time being in a shadowcast for Repo! The Genetic Opera.

-January 9 marks the two-year anniversary since Sam took her life.

-Finding out I'm lactose-tolerance.

-First car crash [thankfully just a scrape].

-May 14, Micaela takes her life.

-Played the wii for the first time.

-First colonoscopy. Oi.

-I get a cello.

-Suicide attempt with Trazedone.

-Become Fable II nerd.

-Dye hair nuclear red and black, let it go to its natural ginger color with some black streaks.

-Lose one of my best friends because of my depression.

-Lose another friend due to his perverse behavior.

-Met Terrance Zdunich.

-Met Emilie Autumn and The Bloody Crumpets: Captain Maggot, Lady Aprella, The Blessed Contessa, and Veronica Varlow.

-Met Lacuna Coil for a second time, but lose their autographs on Trax.

-Met Dethklok and got their autographs.

While this year had some very cool events that I will always remember, it was filled with more pain than happiness. I have never struggled this hard with my bipolar disorder or had my heart broken so much. I met some amazing people who have been there through all of the sh!t this year has brought. I lost three people, one to suicide, who were very close to me. It tears your heart out-this was the year of crying myself to sleep. It was the year where all I wanted was to end it all and be with Sam and Micaela; no more health problems, heartache, drama. I almost did.

"Forgiven" by Within Temptation:

"Couldn't save you from the start
Love you so it hurts my soul
Can you forgive me for trying again
Your silence makes me hold my breath
Oh, time has passed you by

Ooh, for so long I've tried to shield you from the world
Ooh, you couldn't face the freedom on your own
Here I am left in silence

You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven

I watched the clouds drifting away
Still the sun can't warm my face
I know it was destined to go wrong
You were looking for the great escape
To chase your demons away

Ooh, for so long I've tried to shield you from the world
Ooh, you couldn't face the freedom on your own
And here I am left in silence

You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven

I've been so lost since you've gone
Why not me before you
Why did fate deceive me
Everything turned out so wrong
Why did you leave me in silence

You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven."
  • Mood: Emotional
Official things of the week in the Kelseyverse:

Snack: Berry yogurt rice cakes [tasty since I can no longer eat yogurt without feeling like I'm getting an abortion with a steel-toed kick to the gut].

Music: DETHALBUM II, by Dethklok. Particularly "Bloodlines." Why? Because it has a harpsichord. Also, "Volcano" for the choir vocals. I like choirs.

Wowee Moment: Meeting DETHKLOK, especially Mr. Brendon Small, who is very nice and doesn't seem capable of producing the growls and grunts of Nathan Explosion. It's like meeting Mozart or Beethoven-he's that talented at music.

Book: "The Virgin Queen's Daughter." Queen Elizabeth was renowned for her intelligence by being a virgin and therefore always having countries trying to make alliances through marriage proposals instead of war, especially because England was weak due to the religious upheavals made by King Henry VIII. But there are rumors that she wasn't a virgin, and a rumor that a "very fair lady" had a baby. History hasn't proved these yet, but this book goes with what if Elizabeth did have a daughter? That truth could get any number of people killed, including the queen. I'm usually not interested in historical fiction, but this was really good.

Movie: ZOMBIELAND! NUT UP OR SHUT UP! Blood, guts, and the funny wit of Juno. You've got the scrawny college student who likes mountain dew and doesn't have a girlfriend ["I think some hair's in danger of being brushed back!"], a gun-loving, car-stealing, banjo-toting sadistic cowboy who just wants a Twinkie now that his world's been broken, and a pair of sisters capable of conning just about everyone, be it the zombie apocalypse or not. Rated-R for lingo and guts.

Place: Graywhale. I don't know why I haven't been there before, but everything's cheap there AND everything's there. It's like Barnes & Noble + Hot Topic + the DI.

Television: Supernatural. Because Paris Hilton actually makes a good hungry Norse forest god. Besides who doesn't want to see people killed by Abraham Lincoln, Ghandi, and James Dean?
  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: DETHALBUM II
  • Reading: The Virgin Queen's Daughter
  • Watching: Supernatural
  • Eating: Berry yogurt rice cakes.
  • Drinking: Agua.
The Scalpel SL,UTs--our Repo! shadowcast here in Utah finished our first performances. I got to meet Terrance Zdunich and give him a copy of my graverobber doodle and a couple other doodles that were done rather crappily because my antidepressants make my hands shake, but he liked them. I ended up getting his autograph "To Kelsey-a very pretty GENtern" and precisely two hugs. Backstage on the second night of performing, there was a cockroach. We named him Pepito. It was the first roach I've ever seen in Utah. Coincidence? I think not. Go to [link] and see why. Utah's known for our crickets anyway.

Anyhoo, we made mistakes, things didn't work, and many of us were battered and bruised [maybe that was just me], but we did really well and had almost-full houses both nights. Really good for our first time being a shadowcast.

And through Repo! I've made a collection of new friends who are much more dependable than many of the old ones. Some of which are in a band that I have just done a deviation for: Arsenic Addiction. Listen to them here: [link] and then buy their EP, whether or not you actually like them because I will hunt you down and draw and quarter your favorite stuffed animals otherwise.

Hoping that the temperature keeps dropping,
T. Kelsey.
  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: My Dying Bride
A second friend of mine committed suicide.

That's all.
  • Mood: Gloomy
  • Listening to: Emilie Autumn
Today I turn 19.

Think about this: turning 19 on April 9, 2009. Flip it upside down and you have 6-6-6. I thought it was cool when I turned 9 on 4/9/1999.

Today is also Passover and a full moon, so I'm imagining Jewish people fighting werewolves as I eat cake for some reason...

No plans to start up the apocalypse, though. We're already on the way without divine nudging. Plus I'm sick, in pain, and tired. More so than usual, I should say. It's a cold, rainy, gray day today here.

Which works because crappy spirits can't be dampened by the weather. I'm just chillin' out, trying to recover. I've spent the last four years doing this, so it's "ehh, whatever" by now.

I got my main birthday present a couple weeks ago-a cello who I-after much thought and research, named Barlow-and that's amazing. I love the cello and cello-based bands [Rasputina, Apocalyptica, Darling Violetta, etc], so to be able to start learning will be very good. I was getting my fingers used to plucking and can saw quite well on the lower strings and was about to start checking out some teacher referrals when I got sick and had a bit of a breakdown, requiring a tetanus shot which has kept my upper-right arm, shoulder, and back in severe pain for the last week.

Therefore, no art has taken place either.

BUT

I am now a part of Utah's Repo! Shadowcast, The Scalpel SL,UTs with a really amazing group of people. So I've got some Repo things I've thought up that need doodling once my arm stops aching.
  • Mood: Shitty
  • Listening to: "Black Swans," by Lacrimas Profundere.
  • Eating: I'm not hungry.
  • Drinking: I want juice.
Urgh. Haven't been doing anything since I've been sick [again, again, again]. I just woke up from about twelve hours of sleep [with the weirdest dreams, mind you!]and I'm tired as...a person with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or something...oh wait, that's one of those chronic dehabilitating illnesses I have! That makes sense.  

I sleep and watch telly, basically. My allergies alone are horrendous, matching the weather we've had lately here in Salt Lake. And I'm out of these new tasty little imitation chicken wings I've been eating recently-they actually taste like chicken, down to the very texture. Those Taiwanese know what they're doing with their tofu. Pretend you hear an audible sigh.

I've actually started listening to Godsmack because of this, haha. Voodoo sounds like me right now...bleh and a little out of it.

From the sewers,
T. Kelsey.
  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: "Voodoo," by Godsmack.
  • Eating: Hopefully, something soon.
Lacuna Coil has given us a song from the album coming out in April, Shallow Life, and the song is called "Spellbound." It's definently a new side-Cristina always improves with every album, of course.

Go to their myspace to hear it: [link]

And I think I might have found the right cocktail of pills for me to sleep at night. Keeps me tired during the day a little bit, but that makes it easier to fall asleep. So yay for that.

Working on epic stuff! Stay tuned.
  • Mood: Mesmerized
  • Listening to: "Spellbound," Lacuna Coil.
  • Eating: Mushroom and Thyme Ravioli, my new favorite.
A daily deviant? Yes I am! Thanks to MaliceTear for recommending me.

[link]

Whenever I mention dA to someone who doesn't know what it is I just give a simple definition as "myspace for artists," implying that it is the one and only website for artists in all mediums to come together and I can't believe that I got a daily deviation. There are amazing artists on this website with years of training and equipment that I couldn't imagine being able to afford. I don't have a fancy scanner, a fancy camera, or a degree to my name [yet]. I only have PS7 and no training so everything I've learned is by trial and error. What I am trying to say is I'm up against mindblowing digital artists, photographers, etc., and all I can do is constrict any ideas to a piece of paper that fits on my scanner and try to photoshop out the mistakes so it stands a chance.

Which makes this daily deviant win very important considering half of my stuff is just pen doodles on printer paper. But dA has allowed me to get noticed a little bit. I really like art that's "a children's book gone wrong," that style of Tim Burton, Edward Gorey, Gris Grimly, Crab Scrambly and with music like Emilie Autumn and Stolen Babies providing extra gusto.

So thank you very much to those of you who have favorited my stuff over the last three years.

I've got ideas but haven't gotten around to putting them on paper yet. I've been enjoying sleeping in and not having the stress of college and a crappy dorm environment. Spending my time recharging [I have chronic fatigue, a weak immune system, and more mental problems than you can count among other maladies]. I've somewhat learned a little about politics [which I loathe] only because I watch The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and The Colbert Report, haha.

Oh, and guess what?! I MET STOLEN BABIES! Yes! They opened for Combichrist in SLC on January 30. I will post the link to my blog [complete with pictures] so I don't have to retell the story. Here it is:

[link]

That's it for now. Plan to see great things coming...
  • Mood: Pleased
  • Listening to: Stolen Babies
  • Watching: The Colbert Report
Alas, there has been a lack of artwork due to the monumental comings and goings of late. Finals are done with. I am taking a semester off and I don't know if I will return to the college I was attending because of the horrendous living conditions, the ridiculous art classes, etc. The only good thing out of that was my anthropology class. So no more dorm, thankfully. I'm surprised I didn't hang myself in the closet. I have also been stricken rather hard by illness [as usual], both mental and physical. And all the talk about Twilight and Christmas make me want to put a gun to my head. Seriously-there are much better vampire stories out there. Don't get me started on Christmas.
  • Mood: Annoyed
  • Listening to: Rammstein.
  • Watching: This very screen.
Only four more weeks until the semester ends and I am out of this hellhole! Why did I spend all my time in high school learning art only to have to start all over in college with most inadequate teachers? Seriously. It's been a waste of time and money...not to mention it's ruined my hands.

In other news, I have a bad cold made worse by the fact that someone stink-bombed EVERY FLOOR on my dorm building. My guess is they used the elevators to aid their foul plan, going floor by floor and chucking them out. I can't smell it much and my door is fairly airtight, but when I go out of my dorm, it slaps you in the face and I can taste it since I have to breathe through my mouth. If I didn't live here, I'd be laughing.

Also, I have been finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder [which I've been insisting I have had for the past year]and have begun treatment. I've had depression and anxiety since I was twelve and have been medicated for that, but in the last couple years, I've slowly somehow morphed into being bipolar.

But I started my new meds last night and got a real night of sleep without any hangover-ish side effects. I haven't slept well in months-it was FANTASTIC.

I'll be dropping out of school here and moving in back home, taking some classes at the nearby community college there, and working.

This moving-away-from-home-suddenly-thrust-into-an-adult-world-where-you-know-nothing-and-have-nothing didn't go well for me. In a year or two, sure, but not now. I need to regain my health [physically and mentally] in a familiar, secure environment while learning how to wean myself off to independence...even though I insisted in high school I would die before going to community college, ha.

So after this month is over and things are slowly orbiting back into order, I'll hopefully be able to start doing real art-stuff I really like.
  • Mood: Isolated
  • Listening to: Metallica with the San Francisco Symphony
  • Watching: This very screen.
My friend is leaving for the army soon, for a long time and far away.

:(

As such, I shall start paying more attention to politics, even if they bore me to tears. Putting messages in my art [if I get any time to do any art].

Not in a hippie way, though. I don't think William Murderface or Eric Cartman would approve!

It's been terribly lonely lately. I've had to work a lot at a place I don't like. I'm separated from everyone up here at school; I've made a few acquaintences but nothing like my friends back home. I'm going to run out of some of my medications before my psych appointment [that's mental health for ya!]and who knows what that will do. Halloween did not go according to plan. Too much to do, no time to do it, and no enthusiasm to get going. I'm getting a cold. I haven't been able to sleep. I have the urge to cry all the time. The weather's finally acknowledged that winter is coming and I'm trapped in my little dormitory prison cell. I should probably stop listening to the doom metal!

I don't know what to do.
  • Mood: Isolated
  • Listening to: My Dying Bride
  • Watching: This very screen.
I started working at a Chinese restaurant which taught me how gross meat is and how much I can hate people. Although I have reluctantly become good with a meat cleaver, I have to restrain from throwing it at some stupid person complaining about the higher prices. I want to start yelling at them about how it's not me, it's the economy and if you weren't so fat in the first place then you wouldn't spend as much on food. I have a newfound respect for people like Josh who have to do that all the time and can suddenly empathize when someone complains about having to serve a prat.

I spilled hot [in more ways than one since it was spicy]soup all over my left hand and have second degree burns. My sports medicine knowledge came in handy as I did a wrap on my hand that one would use for a dislocated thumb. And the smell of the burn gel reminds me of noxema.

I've been tired from irregular schedules and lack of sleep. My job is more physically demanding than you would think even though I get a little stool to stand on. I do get free Chinese food, though, but I learned the hard way that there was meat in the potstickers. Don't know about the status of the egg rolls yet, but I have eaten a month's supply of egg drop soup. And my fortune cookie told me that in exactly three months I shall have a lucky day, which makes sense because it was definently not today.

My air conditioner's still blasting heat whenever I turn it on and opening the small section of the window doesn't prevent my room from turning into an inferno. Maintenence is doing stuff this month so I'll have to ask for permanent air conditioning even though it's getting colder.

For some reason last night I kept waking up, uncomfortably hot and hotly uncomfortable. So I'd lay on the floor. Or at the foot of my bed. Or throw the sheets off later to make them into a mattress on the floor. And taking tylenol pm didn't stop the insomnia. Going to bed on a difficult note didn't help, either. A friend of mine who I have not known for more than a few months but who has become very close to me is leaving in less than a month to go to the South and start a year-ish of mechanic training for the army followed by four-ish years of active duty. Having already been tired, sore, and in a sleep-deprived, crappy mood, I had a, as Ville Valo would call it, "women's fits" and was crying for a hour and wishing I could get the people of the world together and say "You don't have to like each other, but for Pete's sake, GROW UP. Learn to compromise and sacrifice even when other people are being jerks. Take the insults and still be polite like I have to do in a little Chinese restaurant. Agree to disagree and leave it at that. Learn to share-stop being buttheaded little kids. Be civil so people don't have to send their kids to fight on behalf of your own stubborness. War is a stupid waste of lives, money, resources, environment. Think of what could be done with war funds alone. Suck it up and smile so our friends and relatives don't have to give themselves to worthless causes." Or something to that extent. I realize that not all causes are worthless and sometimes war is needed when drastic times call for drastic measures, but so much of it is rubbish. I know kids who were in my graduating class that joined the army, but I haven't had a chance to have a friend join the army and now there's an urge to wear my anti-Bush shirt as often as possible until it's no longer accurately in fashion and to do whatever I can to support the troops even when I don't agree with the war. Heaven forbid an urge to start paying more attention to politics [bleck!].

Tomorrow is the APOCALYPTICA concert, my second time seeing them and their second time coming to Utah. I'm very excited. It'll be a nice [if too short] break. The next day it's getting up early to get on frontrunner, have enough time to drop off my stuff and grab what I need for class, go to class, run a mile in ten minutes to get to work, work for four and a half hours, and then run back home to get things for the next two and a half hours of class just like today.

I have to finish making a larger-than-lifesized human brain out of twizzlers for my 3D design project of making lines into mass. I went through two bags of twizzlers within half an hour and it's only the size of  a softball. Needless to say I will be buying several more bags tomorrow. Although I didn't realize the advantage of having pliable, moldable, slightly sticky "lines" until I saw other people using wire and spaghetti and grass and trying to turn them into balls of yarn. And I found out that someone in the other class is also making a brain. Pfft. I thought of it first.

It's strange having no time anymore.
  • Mood: Isolated
  • Listening to: KERLI-Love is Dead.
  • Watching: This very screen.
I thought I would all let you know I'm seeing APOCALYPTICA on Tuesday and it's going to be cello-shreddingly awesome.
  • Mood: Artistic
  • Listening to: APOCALYPTICA
  • Watching: This very screen.
I've been so busy with school I haven't had as much time to draw as I like, although considerably more time than I should have because I can't find a job. I will try to cook something up this weekend.

I am, however, working on a piece and planning one out. They're both based on my current Moonspell indulgences. Night Eternal is a fantastic album. It has the brutal black metal sounds accompanied by ethereal feminine vocals. Go listen to it! They're skipping SLC in their US tour but hitting the big cities around it, much to my dismay...someday they shall come to SLC and I shall meet them, bow before their musical genius, and probably give them some drawings like I did for Lacuna Coil as a thank-you-for-coming-to-our-humble-town present.

Anyhoo, the first one is about a mythical being called a Langsuyar, this also being Fernando Ribeiro's alter name. I googled the term to find out what it meant. It's a Malaysian word for a woman who was sired into a vampire during pregnancy or just before birth, giving birth to an undead infant. They are near inseparable and will die if the other one is killed. I thought the image my mind created of a mother and infant eternally linked and never aging was beautiful. So I'm working on it now. Colored pencil and acrylic paints so far, other materials having a chance of being worked in somehow.

The second one which has yet to be carried out will be of Lilith because of their song "Dreamless [Lucifer and Lilith]." I did some research on Lilith, who appears in many different mythologies. The most famous being the story in which Lilith was the first wife of Adam. During intercourse, Adam said that he was entitled to be on top because he was superior and Lilith disagreed, saying that since they were equal because they were both created from dust. Adam doesn't change his mind, so Lilith leaves Eden and lives in a desert. Adam tells this to God, who decides to send three angels to retrieve her and if she doesn't comply, she must kill 100 of her children every day. Lilith does not comply and is thus known as the mother of demons, mating with demons and killing 100 of her children every day. So Eve is created out of Adam's rib so she'll be more cooperative. In Jewish tradition, male infants are given a necklace to wear to ward off Lilith until circumcision because she is a seducer and destroyer of men. Apparently she was also a redhead [Eve's hair turning red after being kicked out of Eden], could turn into an owl, and kills babies...or something to that extent.

So she's a big feminist icon. No offense to Adam or God, but I agree with her opinion on the subject. Whether or not this story is based on fact, I think it's fascinating and would make a good picture. You could even do a series on the subject.

That's all I have for now. Ciao.
  • Mood: Artistic
  • Listening to: MOONSPELL
  • Watching: This very screen.
An Undercover Look at Why Pig Factories Haven't Changed Since "The Jungle."

[link]

My remarks that I've posted on various sites:

I'm a person who can stomach watching surgeries, autopsies, and actual footage of gruesome deaths. I couldn't watch all of this video, which is an undercover recording of the horrors inside a pig factory. I started crying. It is unbelievably despicable what humans do to "lesser creatures," let alone each other.

I haven't seen a horror film this disturbing. I haven't seen any war footage that came close this this. I've watched documentaries on the victims of white supremacists, the Holocaust, the Black Plague, the Salem Witch Trials, the bloodiest events in history that teach you a new way for someone to be tortured. The closest thing I can compare this to is the pictures I've seen of Holocaust victims; especially the ones of the Nazi Josef Mengele, who did horrible experiments and surgeries on captured people without anesthesia.


If you have ever read "The Jungle" by Upton Sinclair, you will be shocked to know that little has been done since the early 1900s. If you haven't read it, it's the story of a Lithuanian immigrant and his struggle to earn money to keep his family from starving to death. At one point he works in a meat packaging plant and the workers literally stand in a foot of blood. It's terribly hot in the factory and the sweat mixes into the meat. Sometimes bulls get loose and try to escape, maiming workers in the way. There is no sanitation, even when workers lose limbs or fingers in the dangerous machinery. It is a literal cesspool of innards and disease. Sinclair had meant for the book to be more about exposing the difficult lives immigrants had to live, but more people were concerned about how disgusting the factories were. Sinclair had gone undercover for several years in meat factories and was able to see how dispicable they were for both the animals and the workers. It became such an uproar that the president established the FDA and had factories shut down or follow new rules to make safer, more sanitary factories.


I don't want to sound like some animal-rights zealot, but anyone with a shred of decency would be uncomfortable watching this. The monstrosities that the factory workers commit to these pigs is something that would give them the death penalty were it done to another human. If they were dogs or cats instead of pigs, they could do serious jailtime and be considered someone who could have the ability to kill other people without empathy.


Pigs have been given a bad reputation through history. If someone eats sloppily we call them a pig. If someone is crude to women, we call them a pig. If someone lives in a dirty, messy house, we say they live in a pigpen. If someone eats a lot, we say they're pigging out.


The Jewish don't eat pigs because they're considered unclean animals, partly due to their cloven hooves. You would think, "Well, they may be considered unclean, but it's better than being eaten, right?" No. It further promotes the idea of pigs as brute, stupid, lumbering animals.


Want to know how the whole idea of pigs being unclean to the Jewish happened? It's economy. Thousands of years ago, when the Jews settled in Jerusalem/Israel, it was a woodland full of trees and wild food. Pigs were able to live there quite happily-there was plenty of food for them to forage, shade that kept them from getting sunburned, and mud to keep them cool because pigs can't sweat. But then the population began to grow. People needed to make houses and began cutting the trees down. Soon, they had deforested the area, meaning that pigs had to be taken care of people in order to survive. They needed food, water, mud, and some sort of shade. It became very difficult and expensive to take care of pigs just to eat them--the result of food wasn't enough to justify the work needed to raise the pig to adulthood. But people liked eating pigs, and it would be difficult to persuade everyone to give up bacon and pork because of it being expensive. What better way to get people to do something than to say "God commanded us to do it. You'll go to the inner circles of Hell if you eat pigs because they're unclean."

And that created a stereotype that pigs aren't smart. That they're messy. That they're good for nothing more than food.

Pigs are smarter than dogs. They've done as many heroic things that dogs, cats, dolphins, and horses have done. They've rescued people from drowning-they're fantastic swimmers. Their mouths are so tuned and sensitive that they only eat food at a specific temperature--that's why they're considered "messy eaters," they let any food at the wrong temperature fall out of their mouths. They can tell if their food is half a degree off.

Pigs cannot sweat and have sensitive skin that can easily be sunburned. Just like elephants, dirt and mud acts as a sunblock and protects them from annoying insects. I met a man who was severely paralyzed after a freak accident in which a several thousand pound haybale fell on him and because of the damage to his nervous system, he cannot sweat. He cannot get the slightest bit overheated because it could cause heat stroke or dehydration very quickly. And like humans, their hair is sparse, making them more easily sunburned.

Besides, who doesn't like playing in mud once in a while?

Pigs have excellent senses of smell, comparable to that of a bloodhound.

They are also very intelligent. Some people who have pot-bellied pigs as pets have shown that they're much easily potty-trained than a puppy or kitten, that they're very clean. They are easily trained and can be taken out on a leash just like a family pet. They love to be petted and brushed and will lay like a dog to have their belly rubbed.

Well, we live in a time and place where there are more humane options. This isn't an isolated tribe where your survival depended on livestock. Americans eat too much meat as it is--if meat must be used then give it to people who are starving to death and do it in the most humane way possible.

You know how the bible says to eat meat sparingly? That meant only eat meat if you don't have any other food. Even having meat once a day can increase your chances for obesity and heart problems. If you can't give up meat, there are plenty of tasty alternatives and imitations. Just cutting back on your meat consumption is healthier, saves money, and saves animals. Eat it twice a week rather than twice a day. Or get kosher meat, which means that the animal was killed in much more humane circumstances and that they weren't raised in a cage.

Animals, including people, shouldn't be caged, especially the more intelligent ones because they are able to understand what horrible circumstance they're in to the fullest extent and thus are more miserable.

They can feel pain just as much as us.

If you didn't watch the video: The squeals turned to shrieks and screams sound like a torture chamber; they sound almost like humans and the shrill of enormous pain. The babies cry just like human babies at pain and loneliness. You see them wince and back away like an abuse victim from the workers. The workers beat the pigs with metal rods, half the time for their own amusement. They laugh at a flailing, screaming pig before they kill her, trying to get in a few more whacks or kicks. They forcefully fling the runts onto the floor in an attempt to kill them-and if they die immediately then they're lucky, but oftentimes they land on the broken corpses of other baby pigs and are cushioned enough to not die on impact, which would sadly be more humane. They use the metal rods to rape and mutate the genitals of the animals, again for their own entertainment. Newborns are castrated and have their tails removed without anesthesia in crude ways--with scissors or a pocket knife--while being carelessly held upside down. These animals look forward to dying and if they had the means, are quite able to learn how to do it themselves.

If anything, those people are the ones who fit the stereotype of characteristics that are normally associated with the word "pig." Do you realize how many serial killers, psychopaths, abusers, sex addicts, rapists, and pedophiles started out by killing, torturing, or raping animals? In fact, whenever someone has a love for some sort of animal cruelty, it's seen as a sign that they could easily become one of the above. This is practically encouraging those factory workers to go out and kill someone! It destroys their sense of sympathy. And the fact that pigs more resemble humans than say, chickens, only furthers the possibility of blending the two together as victims in waiting.

This video is disturbing. I don't blame you if you can't watch it all the way through--I couldn't. You don't have to suddenly join PETA and prance around in a lettuce bikini to let people know how wrong this is. Raise awareness to this atrocity. Let people know that you don't support this.
  • Mood: Sickened
Well, this weekend home was not what I expected.

I arrived home and immediately prepared for the resuming of filming on "Dusk of the Dead," but we were missing a bunch of people, one of whom had the camera. So after a wild goose-chase we found said person with said camera and learned that said camera needed to be charged. So we plugged it in and after a while Josh declared he was hungry and wanted to go get some food and we were all to reconvene in half an hour. I tagged along wanting to catch up on what's been going on in the dubba-vee-cee.

On the way home, we noticed the smell of burnt rubber but took no notice of it seeing as how when cars are racing around you, it's typical to smell it. But within a minute later while making a turn at an intersection, the car jerked and Josh couldn't steer it.

We managed to pull over and I sat in the car, licking a battery because I do not speak "car" and would be more of a hinderance than a help, asking questions to each object's function and how it could break and was more content to sit there and lick batteries. It turns out some sort of rubber belt had snapped or come off the track or something, which had made the acrid scent. There was also something wrong with the water pump and if I remember correctely, the radiator.

Luckily, we were close to home, both armed with cell phones, and Josh had a tow cable, which I quote, "Was a wise investment from a Fred Meyer in Idaho." We had to call the rest of the "Dusk of the Dead" gang and let them know of the incident and that there would be no filming tonight.

I was very [although not visibly] upset after the work I put into the movie and how much I had been looking forward to it, but what can you do? So Josh's Father came and I observed as they both had to crawl underneath the cars to hook the cable. I think I would have fit better underneath a car and was thinking of volunteering my services as a petite and flexible person, but realized I would be walking in blind and probably end up hooking the cable to my nose.

I should really learn about cars for future situations like this, but I find them so dull and mechanical. Like mathematics. I'd much rather ride a horse and carriage.

They got the cable hooked to both cars' frames and I was to accompany Josh's Father as we towed the car. His father had just returned from a two-week European excursion and me, being much more of a European than an American, asked a lot of questions and kept thinking "Why does everyone get to go to Europe but me?!" Although I did have a slight cultural advantage, knowing the location of a genuine Italian Gelateria, which I recommended. Italians have perfected ice cream and isolated its purest form! In other words, try gelato because it's so much better and you get so much more out of it.

And some guy honked at us for driving so slowly and carefully [not our fault! It had to be done! It's not convenient for us either!]so Josh's dad told me, "Don't be offended, but I'm gonna flip this guy off," which he did. It was most entertaining and I could see Josh laughing in the car behind us and giving a thumbs-up from behind the windshield. "Freedom of speech-use it to your full ability!" is what I said. And honestly, that vehicular twat deserved it.

When we got to Josh's house, I had to power-steer as they pushed the car into the driveway, which I've never done before and had to employ the full use of my body weight. But we got the car into the driveway and I was most proud of myself for powersteering when I've only got my second permit instead of a license and missed so much of the important things Driver's Ed due to chronic illness.

So Josh gave me a ride home in a different, functional car and apologized profusely for his car's breakdown. So yes, I was miffed that things didn't turn out as planned, but it gives us time to reorganize and reschedule the movie and be able to plan out every gory detail.

Not to mention I've been feeling a little off these last few days and whatever it is [the irregular college diet of microwaveable foodstuffs to real, scheduled meals or perhaps a flu bug]made me ill last night and not feeling well today. Needless to say, having a tiring night as a zombie-slaying nomad could have amplified that and the last thing I need is to be sick again. Wiped out by a standard illness. Seriously-I'm nervous. The last time I had the stomach flu I had to spend a traumatic two days in the emergency room being stabbed with needles several times because I was so dehydrated my veins were collapsing and being force-fed the watered-down toxin Berium, which makes your insides glow for x-rays. I think I was given six liters of fluid in that time by IV.  

Although glowing insides would be cool for a movie-radioactive zombies!
  • Mood: Sickened
Well, I am becoming accustomed to this strange thing called college. Meaning I am sleep-deprived, poor, and my digestional system doesn't agree with my irregular diet. Strangely enough, my art classes kind of suck-they're the basics you have to take if yu want a degree in art and it's all things I learned in seventh grade. Not to mention chucnks of my fingers missing or blistered after spending hours upon hours making a human figure out of cardboard and hot glue. I don't recommmend it; cardboard is a monster to work with. The class I do recommend is Intro to Anthropology because it's morbid, humorous, and all out there. You must have no shame in order to be in that class...and okay with the idea of female genital mutilation and drinking urine [you don't have to agree with it--you just have to stomach it!].

Now I think I'll go back to bed!
  • Mood: Egghead

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